Oh God, Why Am I Here?
by gaylock
Summary: Prompt 1: Songfic - Here by Alessia Cara. Prompt 2: Hogwarts students have a big party after exams with lots of drinking and dancing and drugs but Lily isn't much of a party animal


**AN/ This is my first ever marauder era story, so proceed with caution because I don't know how OOC I might have made this. This story focuses on Lily Evans (before she was with James) and I just feel like not enough fics are just about her without having Sirius and James dominating everything- so I decided to write one. Enjoy.**

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Exams were finally over; summer vacation was so close, the student body of Hogwarts could practically touch it. Which was why, at 11:42 pm on Friday night, Lily found herself in the middle of what seemed to be every fifth year and up, at the centre of the Ravenclaw common room.

"THIS PARTY IS AWESOME!" Someone said to their friend, shouting to be heard over the music, a bottle of something alcoholic sloshing dangerously in their loose grip.

"OH MY GOSH, I KNOW RIGHT? IT SO TOTALLY IS!" The friend replied, chugging their own drink like it was water, and not straight fire-whiskey. Lily winced and held her water (with a lemon wedge in it, because she was classy like that) closer to her body. _Ugh._

Alice Longbottom sidled up to her, her face flushed and her drink nearly empty. "Isn't this great?!" She said loudly, gesturing vaguely at the people around them. Lily made a noncommittal noise.

"It's exactly what we all needed, especially after all that horrid studying!" Alice continued, her eyes bright and her smile wide. _Clearly, she's enjoying herself,_ Lily thought, annoyed. _Well, I'm glad_ _ **someone**_ _is._

"Lily! Ohmygosh, you never come to these things! Are you having fun?" said the nasal voice of Selena Greengrass, a Hufflepuff in her seventh year.

As Lily tried to come up with something to say that wasn't _no_ , or _not at all_ , or _fuck no, this is horrid_ , Selena turned to Alice and threw her arms around her in a hug, her eyes suddenly teary and streaming.

"I'm gonna miss you so much!" She wailed, and Alice hugged her and wailed right back. Lily snorted in disgust and left while they were both occupied. She loved Alice to pieces, but no amount of love was going to make her any happier in a place like this. She sighed. _At least I didn't have to lie about the party,_ she thought. Lily knew Alice liked these sorts of things, had organized a few herself over the years. Actually, most of the people in the upper years jumped at any excuse to throw and attend a party. But for Lily? This was most definitely _not_ what she liked. Normally, she would be curled up in her bed, a book in her hand and a glass of water sitting next to her. Not standing amongst a group of drinking students. The shouting and loud music was starting to get to her, to be honest, and all she wanted to do was crawl into her bed.

Lily held her glass of water carefully, exceedingly mindful of the writhing bodies - _honestly, was that supposed to be_ _ **dancing**_ _?_ \- that surrounded her. She pushed her way through the crowd of people in the middle of the Ravenclaw common room, away from the still wailing Alice and Selena, and tried to find a corner where she could sit in relative peace. Unfortunately for her, most of the corners were occupied by various couples in different stages of drunkenness. The one time she decided to listen to her friends and come to a party, and there wasn't even anywhere for her to _sit_. Her eyes scanned the room desperately, trying to find an empty space. She had just caught sight of one where the couple was leaving, walking up the stairs to the bedrooms above when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to look, expecting to see Alice or one of the other girls she had arrived with, but found instead the grinning face of some Ravenclaw boy in the year above her.

"Hey there, gorgeous," he said, moving closer and closer until his body was pressed against hers. "Let's dance." He pulled her closer, wiggling his hips suggestively, his eyes more focussed on her breasts than on her face. Lily scowled and pushed him away.

"No thanks," she said. "I don't dance." She went to move around him, only for him to block her path.

"What," he asked, his hands now wandering from her arms down to her hips. "You got a boyfriend or something?"

"Or something." She spat, dangerously close to throwing her drink at him. "Besides, I was just leaving." This time, she didn't give him the chance to block her path, just turned around and plunged back into the crowd of oblivious people behind her. She pushed her way as quickly as possible through the crowd, putting enough distance between her and the guy that she was sure he wouldn't bother to follow her. She finally made it to the outskirts of the crowd, only to find that the corner which had been empty only minutes before, now had a group of boys standing in it. Lily rolled her eyes and sighed, before stepping towards them, deciding that between the crowd and the snogging couples, they were the lesser of the evils.

"Hey," one of them said, nodding at her, before taking a drag on the cigarette between his lips and blowing out smoke and passing it to the kid beside him. The smoke wafted towards her and she wrinkled her nose; whatever it was they were smoking, it certainly _wasn't_ a cigarette.

"So, what's up?" One of them asked her, passing the not-cigarette to the kid on his right.

"What?" She asked, barely able to hear him over the piercing sound of the music.

"I know right, totally lit." He said back, nodding his head. He grabbed the not-cigarette from one of the other boys and held it out. "Want some?"

Lily eyed the not-cigarette distastefully and shook her head. She might not have been able to hear him, but the gesture was enough to get the meaning across. "Thanks, but no." She said firmly, and the kid shrugged, placing it against his lips and sucking in.

"S'all good, mate." He said easily. He took another drag and began to blow smoke rings, his friends laughing beside him. Despite not smoking any, she could feel herself getting what Sirius called a 'contact high', and she shuddered, trying as discretely as possible to turn her head away from the smoke every time she needed to breathe.

 _Oh_ _ **god**_ _,_ she thought despairingly. _What on earth am I_ _ **doing**_ _here?_

She clutched her water like it was a lifeline, sipping it slowly to make it last. Before long though, her glass was empty, the only thing in it the single lemon wedge that she had added at the beginning of the night. She pushed herself off of the wall she'd been leaning against and nodded to the boys beside her before stepping back into the throng of dancing students. When she finally made her way to where the bar was set up, she could feel the 'contact high' like it was a living thing, buzzing through her veins and vibrating under her skin. As she poured herself some more water and sliced another lemon wedge off of the lemon to add to it, a group of kids came up beside her, all of them laughing as they poured back their drinks to see who could chug theirs the fastest.

When one of the girls slammed her glass down on the table in victory, the rest of them cheered and topped up, only to do it all over again. The winner smirked at them, before starting to gossip insipidly about some girl in her Transfiguration class. Lily turned away, unimpressed, and immediately made her way to the closest wall, hoping to escape the crowd by moving around the outer edges of the common room. The not-cigarette ( _drugs, Lily, just call it what it is for Merlin's sake_ ) was still buzzing through her veins, making her restless, and as she observed all of the other kids, laughing and dancing and drinking, looking so happy and relaxed, she couldn't help but feel like she was being pessimistic and anti-social, not even bothering to _try_ and have a good time.

She glanced at her water and the floating wedge of lemon and thought about maybe pouring herself a drink and searching out her friends so she could join them. And then she glanced at the crowd, and shook her head; it didn't matter how much she tried, she would never be able to enjoy herself at a party like this one. She hated the music, she didn't like most of the people, she couldn't _stand_ the alcohol. She preferred something more quiet, more classical. She knew that, while sober, most of these people were perfectly nice; but while drunk? She snorted. They were absolute prats. And to be completely honest, the only drink she really enjoyed was wine, which at parties like this one, was hard to find.

As she made her way around the outskirts of the room, Lily found herself standing beside a boy who was laying on the floor, groaning into his cup with a pained expression on his face. She glanced around, but no one around them was paying him any attention. He groaned again, louder this time, and she rolled her eyes at herself before she helped him up and moved him in the direction of the loos.

"Thanks," he muttered, stepping forwards slowly. Lily didn't bother to reply, only turned around and made her way around the edge of the room once more. _I need to get the hell out of here,_ she thought. _Like, now._

Hours later Lily found herself in the kitchens with a group from the party who were busy convincing the elves to help them restock their liquor and snack supply. She was sitting at a table, her water glass still clutched in her hand, her head resting against the wooden surface as she took deep and calming breaths. One of the girls in the group was twirling her hair around her finger and talking to her friend about all the hate she'd been getting from her dorm mates because 'she was just so much prettier and smarter than them, and they just couldn't handle that she got better grades _and_ a hot boyfriend'.

Lily was seriously considering smashing her face against the table. _Or_ _ **maybe**_ _,_ she thought bitterly. _**Maybe**_ _they hate you because you're an insipid little twat with no brains who likes to rub herself all over other people's boyfriends?_

She sighed to herself and peeled her face off of the table. _Alright,_ she thought tiredly. _I am officially done. Sorry Alice, but I cannot keep doing this._ She stood up and gulped down her water, fishing the lemon from the bottom and sucking on it until the kids she was with had finished negotiating and taken their goods back to the party. She placed the cup on the table and followed them out. She made her way back to the party, standing just inside the door to the common room, trying to find Alice or Marlene in the writhing crowd. Instead, she found Frank, standing beside the bar, busy pouring a drink, She quickly made her way over to him.

"Have you seen Alice?" She asked, tapping him on the shoulder.

He turned and smiled at her. "Hullo! Alice said you were here!" He was so busy talking to her that he barely noticed when the cup was full, making it overflow as he continued to pour vodka into it.

She gently pried the vodka bottle from his grip and placed it back down. "Yes, here I am. Have you seen Alice?"

"Oh! Yes, I was just with her," he said, taking a sip from his drink.

Lily let out a breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding and sagged in relief. "Oh, thank _God_. Can you tell her that I'm going back to the common room, then?"

Frank blinked in confusion. "Aren't we _in_ the common room?"

Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes. "No, I meant the _Gryffindor_ common room," she huffed out.

"Wait, you're leaving?! But... _why?_ " Frank said, his distress clearly written across his face.

Lily refrained from rolling her eyes as she replied with a quick, "I'm not feeling well," to which Frank nodded in sympathy.

"Alright, well, I'll tell Alice then. I'm sorry you're not feeling well, hope you feel better." He smiled at her and walked off, winding his way through groups of people to find Alice once again.

 _"Finally!"_ Lily said as she stepped out of the noisy room and into the quiet corridor. Taking a deep breath of completely smoke, alcohol and music free air, she smiled. _Time for bed and some_ _ **much**_ _needed peace and quiet!_ And with that, she made her way to the Gryffindor common room, where the fire was burning merrily and there were no other students around.


End file.
